Review: Duke Nukem Forever

Words by: Jennifer Allen | Posted on: Friday 1st July, 2011 | Filed under: Game Reviews, Retail Games.

We’ve all been there. The person of the opposite sex that is quite clearly bad news. They’re like catnip to a cat though, utterly irresistible. It’s hard to pinpoint why. They’re not as good-looking as they think they are, they’re brash, crude, slightly obnoxious to your friends and they’re far from the brightest spark too. They don’t even treat you as well as you deserve, instead infuriating you and exciting you all at the same time. Despite this, there’s still something that keeps you going back to them though even though you should quite clearly run a mile. Duke Nukem Forever is the gaming equivalent of that person.

It’s been a long time coming. We all know that. It’s the game that everyone throws in as a joke. Pigs will fly before Duke Nukem Forever comes out, the world will end when it does anyhow. In those 14 years, the gaming world has changed irreparably. That’s a good thing but not for the Duke. We’re a demanding audience now with the likes of the Call of Duty series, Battlefield, Halo, BioShock and Half-Life series all vying for our attention, amongst many others. So what space is there for Duke Nukem? Not a lot unfortunately. Certainly not when you chuck in Serious Sam who has seriously (hohoho) infringed upon the Duke’s territory while he’s been gone. Nostalgia goes a long way, the many cinematic and gaming references are fun to mentally tick off, and the humour is entertaining in a crude, teenagery kind of way. Inevitably though, you’ll still find yourself being pleased once you’re done with Duke Nukem Forever.

It’s quickly apparent that Duke Nukem Forever is languishing somewhere in the late 1990s or early 2000s. The graphical style is very dated with flat textures and uninspired character animations. When a game in 2011 makes Half-Life 2 look cutting edge, there’s a problem. The loading times that rear their ugly head at regular intervals….well, they make you feel as if you’re being punished for needing to restart after being killed. They’re harsh to say the least. Other technical flaws appear too, with the problems seeming to peak near the end of the game (a rushed game, even after all this time perhaps?). In my playthroughs, I spotted a barrel randomly staying suspended in the air as if gravity didn’t exist, and I found Duke trapped in a small alcove by the dead body of an enemy thus forcing me to reload. It’s the kind of thing that should have been spotted during quality assurance but bizarrely wasn’t.

To be fair to Duke, the game does have its moments of being fun, especially early on. Being reintroduced to Duke Nukem at the start of the game is great. It feels like returning to an old friend. Albeit a friend that in time reminds you that you’ve moved on and grown up and they haven’t. An alien invasion keeps Duke busy throughout the game although he has changed with the times. He can only carry two weapons these days despite still being as beefy as ever, plus his health regenerates a la Halo. Technically it’s not health, it’s ego with Duke’s ego boosted permanently by interacting with everything from porn magazines to picking a turd out of a toilet. Yes, really. The developers aren’t afraid of poking fun at themselves fortunately with one loading screen message pointing out that they wanted to make the turd holding reduce ego rather than boost it.

Indeed, there’s a whole plethora of references throughout the game. Almost all of which bringing about a small smile, even despite the frustrations the game brings. There’s a bungie jumping sequence much like that of the early levels of Goldeneye (a game released the same year that Duke Nukem Forever was first mooted!), a nod to Inception with a spinning top during a dream sequence, and even a Donkey Kong moment with barrels coming thundering down at Duke. This game doesn’t take itself seriously by any means, and while some jokes don’t quite hit the spot, others cause a smirk, even if it’s against your better judgement. Any game that features a level requiring you to find popcorn, a vibrator and a condom couldn’t hope to be anything more than ridiculously silly.

Combat is bearable but, much like the rest of the game, stuck in the past. Bullets don’t always appear to register and the game certainly likes to spam waves of enemies at you. It’s more challenging than other FPS games of recent years and some of the bosses are particularly fearsome on anything higher than Normal. Duke Nukem Forever doesn’t focus on puzzles like many modern titles (it berates Valve’s efforts whenever possible instead) but it does focus on gimmicks. Duke can be miniaturised thus bringing about platform sequences rather than combat. Duke isn’t very good at jumping or navigating narrow beams making for an intensely frustrating experience. It slows down the game too much too as if the developers have forgotten what people expect of Duke Nukem – steady and consistent violence. Then there are the driving sequences with monster trucks and a brief turn by a forklift truck. The monster truck outstays its welcome, starting out fun but dragging on for far too long. The forklift truck driving is just diabolical but fortunately brief.

This all sounds very negative and it is. I haven’t even mentioned the frankly forgettable multiplayer mode. That’s how little time it deserves of anyone. Duke Nukem Forever is a mid 1990s game stuck in the present day. As I said at the start though, it’s bad news to you but you’ll still want to stand by it, if even only for a little while. Having said that, for the many players who were too young/not even alive when Duke Nukem was around before, there isn’t much to see here. The juvenile humour can only go so far to cover up the problems. It’s good that Duke Nukem Forever finally saw the light of day; it can bring closure to everyone involved. It’s just a shame that it’s a game stuck in the past. One for the bargain bin, nothing more.

About Jennifer Allen

Jen's been playing games for longer than she can remember (20 odd years) and has been writing about them for 4 years. In her spare time she likes to pretend she can train her guinea pigs to do tricks. She should stick to chocobos.

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